little life lab notes

You pile up associations the way you pile up bricks. Memory itself is a form of architecture.

— Louise Bourgeois

savoring old heartbreaks like dark choc

No crisis. Just a question of vectors.

I'd forgotten how much I adore Wilde and his darling, decadent characters.

Now, my dear Tuppy, don’t be led astray into the paths of virtue. Reformed, you would be perfectly tedious.

So much longing, still. Must be the darn moody boi playlist.

Explaining Relativity by Rebecca Elson

My Life Was the Size of My Life by Jane Hirshfield

what a word: besotted

Care. Be fascinated. Chase ideas down shorelines.

git commit -m "wip: debugging memory, still leaking"

I shall be an imposing walrus.

why optimize life away?

Sparked by and written to:

And I'll probably crash your stupid car
And make your life a misery

— Olivia Dean, Nice to Each Other

~vItAlItY~

{ Hot & Idling }
A wanting machine,
overheated, idling.
What am I to do
with all this wanting?

I love cages / left wide open

— Todd Dillard, How to Live

All that Wanting, Right? by Devin Kelly

Meet me at midnight
espressos, epiphanies
borrowed, past due
Meet me again
in slanted light
undone

guilty pleasure:
plunge-chasing other selves
reinvention on impact

from bedrock:
gnarled limbs clawing
the moon unblinking

wanna write poems, not papers

If I had my life to live over, I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I would go to more dances. I would ride more merry-go-rounds. I would pick more daisies.

— Nadine Stair

how seductive: our minds misbehaving together

me: metaphors
you: abstractions
us:

my mind makes metaphors of men

How poetic, these expositions, speaking in burls & blossoms:
 "Every twig X in a cubic bridgeless graph G is a burl."

post demo texts to self:
it's crazy
i feel so large
or maybe it's the world
life is full of possibilities
hadn’t he said that
i feel it now
to my bones
i have taste
just need to hear it
i’m on the cusp
of something
a realization
a knowing
beautiful
delicate
but so beautiful

*pushes emotional glut to prod*

windows bolted,
passages sealed,
the only way out
was to leave

for a moment, i experienced cinematic magic

i had to—
grieve, i mean.
all those wasted years.
all these wasted tears.

don't let me miss this late-night yapping

coding, crying, stargazing

it’s about time I fell in love

missing, undefined

for heaven’s sake, fix the crap out of extrinsic sadness

tired of all these physical parts

fresh out of fucks forever

— Lana Del Rey, Venice Bitch

just like that
a spark of an idea—
sleepless for the night

me: a frankenstein of yous

in aarhus and not missing music

this sadness—
where does it go?
it gathers
it grows

every place
same end
me

living: a life sentence

holding hands:
flesh & bones
interlocking

A beginning ended.

longing for sunburn,
for shirt against skin
scorching

paint pictures of patterns of words

and so i couched and dreamed for hours

There's things I wanna say to you
But I'll just let you live
Like if you hold me without hurting me
You'll be the first who ever did

— Lana Del Rey, Cinnamon Girl

they linger—
snapshots stretched
into space-filling curves